“Use silence, if you choose; but when it is necessary, speak – and speak in such a way that people will remember it.” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

This beautifully describes, what I am sure, one of the finest arts of communication.

It’s so powerful, that people who can fully control and master this technique will have an impact on other people and influence them easily.

1. We talk more than we listen.

” One of the reasons we’d rather talk than listen is that if our minds are filled to capacity and we listen, we run the risk of overloading our brain’s circuits, forgetting things we’re trying to remember and worse, feeling pressured to not just listen but take on the responsibility for dealing with or fixing whatever someone is telling us. “ – Mark Goulston M.D., F.A.P.A.

When we listen to other people, we conceive information from them. Whether it is excited or boring to us, our brain receives this bunch of data and has to store it somewhere. There will come a time when our mind can’t have enough storage to the conversation, and the data is overflow. We forget about the old stories and we can’t pay attention to the new ones.

It will be a nightmare when you have a date with your girlfriend, and you can’t remember a single thing she confides. Just because you want to be a considerate boyfriend. You let her talk the whole night, and your only mission is to watch her talk and don’t speak a word.

Yet, she will still be mad at you after she knew you didn’t even remember anything she told you.

On the other hand, talking is a sharing motion. We send our data to other machines, other souls to help them understand us. This way, we don’t need to receive anything. All the sad stories, missions, responsibilities, … we are free from carrying those weights. Also, when we talk and confide in somebody, we relieved our soul from stress and overthinking. It is such a miracle.

The problem is that we delivered our dump to other souls who share the same operational standard like us. When the data by their sides is overflow, it will become a lose-lose situation: No one gives any more attention. Both disconnect from the conversation and lock their mind.

I have experienced this a lot before, mostly in the passive side. And I hate it every time that I have to use my silence treatment. I would love to contribute to the conversation, but dude, if you have our conversation log here, 60-70% of it will have his name on it. And if you look into the conversation, it’s so pointless, and full of topics that I don’t even know or care about.

You can always try to take a fake interest, but be careful of the consequences. They will give you test and because you were so interested in their stories, you better remember the answers.

I sure won’t fake any interest in Don Quixote, the protagonist of Miguel de Cervantes’ classic novel “Don Quixote.”.

That guy displays a tendency to talk endlessly about his grandiose plans, his imagined quests, and his lofty ideals of knighthood. But then, he mistakes windmills for giants, inns for castles, and common folk for knights and ladies.

He often ignores the advice and warnings of those around him, including his loyal squire, Sancho Panza, who tries to bring some sense of reality to his delusional fantasies.

He endures wounds, ridicule, and emotional exhaustion throughout his adventures. I hate the fact that Don Quixote is a distinctive and endearing character. Oppose to his unwavering idealism and fortitude in the face of hardship, this is a work of fiction. Don Quixote in real life won’t even make it through ½ of the journey. There won’t be many people to give him help. And the ending of his stories won’t receive so many delightful thoughts.

2. How to speak less than necessary.

Louis XIV, famously known as the “Sun King,” was a man of few words. His infamous “I will see” was one of few short answers that he would apply to all different manner of requests.

During his reign as the King, his court, full of nobles and ministers, could spend days and nights discussing issues that matter to the state. When they reach that point, they will select two delegates to convey the opposing viewpoints to Louis. When they finally have his ear, they would always keep in mind how they act and what they say. Louis never spoke a word during their talk, and he never showed any emotion. His final words after each had finished with their talks are: “I shall see.” No one ever know what his final decision will be. They could only see the results after.

No one could try to trick him, because they can’t get what he was thinking. And the more they tried to deceive or persuade Louis, more trouble they will get. Louis had all the information he needed, and he could use it for later purposes against them.

Louis was a king, he had power and authority, but it was the mysterious frame that gave him the power during the meetings with representatives. He kept silence, which kept people waiting and thinking. They started to develop many thoughts inside their mind, which made them exposed their real intention.

Benjamin Franklin, on one occasion, said:

“It is important not only to be able to say the right thing at the right time, but also to be able to say nothing when you really want to speak.”

Before simply resolving to talk less, take a quiet moment to reflect on your desire to speak as often as you do. Think simply as applying a filter for your words. And, as you’re learning to analyze your message, practice active listening. I find it to be one of the most important and valuable skills you can learn for pretty much everything in life). You need to engage in the conversation: make eye contact, lean in, smile or nod. Then it’s time to exchange data: you need to ask question based on what they share, or repeat what you heard. They are proofs that you listened to the conversation.

3. Why it’s getting harder to keep silence

Silence is hard to master. Real hard for our generation nowadays. Many of young people lack this important skill. Or they use it in a bad intention, that the damages are massive and unable to recover.

As a society of expressive individuals, we enjoy talking a great deal. To get in as much as possible, we often speak in a hurry or hurry others who are speaking to us. And then social media appears to make it worse. Because we can send texts, we don’t need to pay much attention to the conversation. We can leave it on read till next day to respond, we don’t need to remember the details of the conversation, we can delete what we sent, …

We lose the required skill to have a proper conversation in real life.

And when youngsters initiated the conversation, they want attention from other people. They don’t like sharing the stage, they need to express themselves, etc.

“When a young person begins to explore the world, he asks a lot of questions. When he gets older, he begins to talk a lot. Only when a person perceives the eloquence of silence does he become an adult.” – Premier Magazine.

Learn how to be a good listener, then filter your words through experience. You will hurt a few people at first, but they will forgive you if they are good friends. Once you can master the silence, you will get to know this beautiful world, adore it with an open heart and speak only when you really feel like.

Speak your heart out in front of the people you love, who you know are really listening to you.

You got it.